A mother's rant

As you've been following this blog closely (I'm sure ;-), you are well aware that Perry will enter kindergarten this September. We've been to a few events at the school and I've met my nemesis. A woman sure to make Perry and my life, as far as his allergies are concerned, a nightmare. All of my posts so far have been more upbeat, even in the face of defeat by food challenge, but tonight I just need to vent. Mostly, to make myself feel better but to also build up the courage to speak my mind to this woman should the time come.

The husband and I attended a Kindergarten Parent's Orientation at the school a week ago and I was very anxious and excited. I made sure I had my little notebook and my pen and I was ready to ask some questions and hear about how Perry's day in kindergarten would go. To my surprise, food allergies weren't discussed when talking about the cafeteria and birthday parties. So I asked about their policy concerning food allergies. They told me there was a separate, nut free table and no-nuts for birthday parties. Not great for my worst-case scenario mom mind, but I understood and knew I would have to work with it. 

This particular mom said, "But they can have peanut butter, right? They can bring it?"

It doesn't sound so harsh on paper, but there was a tone that can't be captured here - like I was  infringing on some right of hers just by asking how the school handles food allergies. I told myself to "calm down" "you heard it wrong. She didn't mean it that way." But, when we left and my husband asked what was up with her, I knew I wasn't just imaging it. 

Today, Perry had a play date with all of the incoming kindergarteners. Fun! I was so nervous and was hoping Perry could meet some cool kids. I saw the mom there and was a little nervous about it - she seems to be a little more aggressive than me and I tend to get ridiculously chatty when I'm nervous. Anyway, I found a Snickers bar wrapper on the playground (my heart was heavy) and mentioned to the mom I was talking to that I needed to throw it away and I'd be right back. We started talking about food allergies. 

The mom (aka, my nemesis), said, "food allergies are like the easiest thing to deal with. 

I mean, you can control what your kid eats."

Whaaaaaa?!?! Did she seriously say that to me? I was taken aback and all I got out was, "Well sure, when they are with me I can." She had to attend to her daughter and walked away, but we never got to finish our conversation. I wanted to tell her how difficult it is to avoid cross contamination. I wanted to tell her to start checking every single food label of everything she buys for possible contamination. I wanted to tell her how a little bit of peanut butter could kill my son! I wanted to scream and cry and hug Perry and never let him go. I will have to wait and be strong. I will hope that our children do not end up in the same class. I will hope I never have to see her again, my nemesis. 

A note to those who don't live with food allergies...

I think all of us parents who do want you to know that we don't like this either. We're not trying to make your life difficult; we know kids are picky, peanut butter is good and cheap and it's easy to make on a weekday morning. We wish we didn't have to ask you to bring nut free desserts for your child's birthday. We're sorry. We just want to send our kids to school and know they will be safe. To know that they won't slip up and forget to ask if the food your child is offering is nut-free or to trust 

the word of a fellow 5 year old when they say "yes." Please try to understand the panic that we will deal with during the monthly birthday celebrations, Valentine's Day, Halloween, etc thinking that every time the phone rings it's the hospital. The pain we endure knowing that our kids can't sit where they want in the cafeteria. That they may be sitting alone. That they may be the target of a bully for something they have no control of...try to live in our shoes. We wish we lived in yours.